Often, the answer is more complicated than you might initially think. “What do you need in order to feel better about the situation?” asks Kyba. Need: “I need to understand if there was some reason you weren’t passing me the ball.”ĭifficult conversations often go poorly when the person initiating the discussion doesn’t actually know what they need in order to resolve the problem, so before you start speaking, make sure you know what you really want. For the person you’re having the conversation with, this will feel less like a personal attack.Ĥ. More specifically, try to avoid saying “I feel like,” since that often adds an external element to your feeling instead of describing an internal emotion. This part of the script should only focus on your internal emotion, not attaching blame. For instance, saying, “I feel like you don’t like me,” or “I feel like you think I’m a bad player,” isn’t about your emotion. Now, you can explain how the incident made you feel, but beware of using a feeling to create a fact.
Use facts and keep it as simple as possible. Without adding any emotion or feelings, explain what you want to discuss.
Describe: “In the game yesterday, I was open a lot, but I noticed that you never passed me the ball.” This helps establish a positive space for the discussion and emphasizes the desire to have a conversation, not a fight.Ģ. Acknowledge: “Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.”įirst, thank the person and acknowledge them for being willing to have this conversation, Kyba says. Of course, not every person will be on the same page, but having this script worked out in your head or on paper before beginning the conversation can be extremely helpful.ġ. Kyba recommends using this five-step approach to a difficult conversation. “If you’re nervous about crying, then try having your talk on the phone-plus, that way you can have your notes in front of you,” she points out. She recommends avoiding text or email to have a tough conversation though, since tone of voice is critical. Having a face-to-face discussion is ideal, Kyba says, but video chat or phone will work if in-person meetings are impossible right now. What are the facts that you’re bringing in? Are there any assumptions that you’re making that may not be true? What exactly is the problem that you want solved? Taking five minutes to journal through these questions can make the conversation much clearer, which means it’s much more likely to get resolved in a way that benefits both parties.įor a young athlete, setting the stage for a conversation may mean setting a time to speak with the coach during his or her office hours, texting a teammate to see if they can talk before or after practice, or even leaving a note for a parent asking for a parent/child meeting in the evening. Think about the conversation you hope to have. “Whenever you’re feeling like you’re about to have, or need to have, some kind of confrontation, the best thing to do is to step back and pause,” says Kyba.
The worst kind of difficult conversation is when both parties leave feeling as though they weren’t understood and their needs weren’t met. On the note of preparation, Kyba is a firm believer in scripting out what you want to say, and knowing what you want to get out of the confrontation. I try to get people to prepare ahead of time when possible, and then invite the other person to have the talk at a set time rather than just getting into it.” And if you take the time to prepare and have a bit of a script, maybe even practice having the conversation out loud to yourself or a trusted adult, then it’s going to be easier to do it. “People often avoid having hard conversations because they’re afraid that they’ll get emotional-start crying-during them,” Kyba says.
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS ROLE PLAY SCRIPTS HOW TO
The most important lesson to teach a young athlete is that it’s okay to feel emotional when approaching a hard conversation, whether it’s asking the coach how to get more playing time, or asking a teammate why she won’t pass the ball during games. Here, Nadia Kyba, MSW, TrueSport Expert and President of Now What Facilitation, explains how to use a form of nonviolent communication when beginning a tough conversation, as well as how to practice it in a low-stress setting.
And this won’t just improve their ability to communicate with their team now-this is a skill that will help them navigate life. Having frank discussions that feel confrontational can be intimidating and emotionally taxing at any age, but fortunately, there are ways to improve your athlete’s ability to handle difficult conversations with teammates, coaches, and parents. Whether you’re a child or an adult, a coach or a parent, a teammate or a team leader, difficult conversations are never easy.